Your nervous system doesn't feel safe
Back in November 2025 Claire Zammit, founder of the Institute for Women Centred Coaching (IWCC) published a series of articles entitled 5 Inconvenient Truths. The articles were about the future of the personal coaching industry, and aimed at the coaches she trains, but I'd like to summarise and draw lessons for you from INCONVENIENT TRUTH #4: You Can’t Out-Market a Nervous System That’s Afraid to Be Seen because it beautifully encapsulates the women-centred (WCC) method that Becky has been trained in and that underpins our Artemis Coaching Service.
The WCC method is based on research work that demonstrated the reason many women (and others!) get stuck, and stopped isn't because they have strategic problems, such as needing to write more articles, or create a better network, or self promote more, they are more than capable of doing all those things, but what's really stopping them, the real barrier is much deeper, it's at an identity level barrier. It's a nervous system barrier, a nervous system designed to keep it's owner safe, a nervous system that has developed barriers to keep the owner safe as a result of relational, cultural and societal, and sometimes generational issues. Those barriers are actually:
- fear of being judged
- fear of disappointing others
- shame around visibility
- resistance to taking up space
- worry about being “too much”
- pressure to be perfect
- the instinct to overgive
- fear of asking for research funding, who are you to ask for large amounts of funding for your ideas
Which is why achievement and progress, often plateaus at the level of your psychological safety, the level at which you are comfortable being neither too much, nor too little, the level at which you know you can deliver research results, not because you’re not smart, not because you’re not capable of so much more, not because you’re not dedicated, but the level at which your body is trying to protect your self image of who you are, who others are, what you deserve. This might be visible to you via thoughts such as:
- “It’s safer to stay small.”
- “I don’t want people to think I’m full of myself.”
- “I’ll be judged.”
- “I’ll disappoint someone.”
- “I’m not ready.”
- “Who am I to do this?”
Conventional coaching will tell you that the answer is to set some goals and go for it, but conventional coaching is strategy based. "Just apply for the funding" rarely works because we won't feel ready, we're not ready to be judged, or we think who am I to be doing this?! I've been coaching grant applicants since 2012, and over that time it has become very clear that when we're stuck something much deeper needs to shift. That's what eventually drew me into the world of the IWCC. A world which recognises the way in which (many, not all!) women tend to build missions, or businesses, or careers, and have a positive impact on the world is through connection, belonging, resonance, relational attunement, identity expansion, emotional safety, recognition, shared meaning, and deep value creation, and in the process fulfilling their own potential.
So next time you're beating yourself up for not getting on with that grant application, or applying for that promotion, take a few minutes to reflect on whether there's something much deeper holding you back. Is it really having the time to apply for the thing, or could it be your nervous system trying to protect you by telling you to stay small because it's safer, telling you that you don't want people to think you're full of yourself, fearing the judgement of others, telling you you're not ready when you know full well colleagues far less experienced and capable than you have applied?
Often, simply recognising these patterns in action can be enough to shift them, or at least move ahead despite them! To learn more about these ideas, or WCC based coaching we offer, please check out this page and good luck!
